Estelle Getty Rocks My World. - 2004-02-18 11:31 a.m.
Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidant.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
'Thank you for being a friend'.
I'm in the mood today to move to a condo in Miami with four aging female roommates. I can't get enough of that spicy Sophia. And Blanche! What a whore!
'Candi' Spelled With An 'I'. - 2004-02-16 12:04 a.m.
My funtastic cousin Gabe has been excepted to medical school. I am uber-proud and excited, as should you be. How exciting! Saturday was a massive celebration in his honor. OK, actually we just went out for mexican food and bought a few Tori Amos CDs, but it's close enough.
With his acceptance, I've been able to put my finger on a feeling that's been bubbling to the surface for awhile. He's going to be a fabulous M.D., other friends like Alyssa and Casey are on the roads to super-important lawyer or therapist careers. I'm just kinda hangin' out, pretending to be a grown-up, almost graduated, credentialed nurse. In clinics, I feel like a little girl playing dress-up. I'm sure any day now one of my patients is going to realize I'm actually not qualified, complain to someone, and send me home to my mommy. I've done these invasive procedures over and over, but I still know, KNOW, I'm going to kill someone. I'm sure of it. I am NOT professional material. I'm meant to be some white-trash gutter-whore with a name that ends in 'i'. Too bad I can't pole dance.
"Oh, we didn't sleep much at all!" - 2004-02-12 11:00 p.m.
My parents recently celebrated their twenty-sixth anniversary. I think that's a pretty big accomplishment, considering they were acquainted for a total of 21 days before tying the knot. Also considering my mother has serious control issues and my father exhibits strong anti-social tendencies.
Anyway. Back on topic. My parents celebrated their twenty-sixth anniversary. To celebrate, they rented a mountain cabin in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. I contend Gatlinburg looks nearly identical to Rivendell. The mountains, the streams, the chalets...I half expected to see Elrond or Arwen in the audience at Dixie Stampede.
OK. Back on topic again. Parents went to cabin in Gatlinburg. My father fell completely in love with the outdoor jacuzzi. So in love, he priced hottubs today. We're going to have a hottub. On our back porch. Which sounds really fun, until you realize my father STILL hasn't decided what he's going to side the house with. In four years, he hasn't chosen between log siding, vinyl, some poly-something, etc. etc...which means our house is fugly. Have you seen an unfinished house? Aesthetically unpleasing. I say finish the siding, then worry about the hottub. But oh well.
Here's the kicker. We go out to dinner with my parents' friends this evening. They ask how the trip was. My parents answered. MY GOD, I can't believe it. It should be illegal for old people to make sexual innuendos. As far as I'm concerned, they copulated twice to create my sister and I. End of sexual contact. That's just gross.
I'm Not Made Of Money. - 2004-02-12 10:13 p.m.
Have you heard of The RotK Challenge? This is a group encouraging people to add up the time/money they've spent on Tolkien-related films, books, and merchandise, and give an equal amount of time/money to organizations attempting to manifest Tolkien's ideals (e.g. forest preservation, literacy programs). While I think this a beautiful idea, it's just not very plausible for me right now. As for the time spent, I can't count that high. I can however roughly estimate the amount of money my household has either spent on Tolkien stuff, or been given in gifts. (Sales tax not included.)
$ 7.50 - My mother's 1978 copy of The Lord of the Rings
$ 7.00 - My family's 1990 copy of The Hobbit
$ 48.00 - Eight theatrical viewings of Fellowship Of The Ring (between 4 people)
$ 36.00 - My sister's 2001 copy of LotR
$ 12.00 - My sister's 2001 copy of The Hobbit
$ 17.00 - Theatrical DVD of FotR
$ 28.00 - Extended DVD of FotR
$ 66.00 - Eleven theatrical viewings of The Two Towers
$ 14.00 - 2002 calendar
$ 19.00 - Elvish Dictionary & Grammar Guide
$ 16.00 - 'Frodo & Gandalf in Moria' poster
$ 17.00 - Theatrical DVD of TTT
$ 16.00 - Hobbit T-shirt
$ 12.00 - Hobbit tote bag
$ 20.00 - Middle Earth for Dummies
$ 12.00 - Myths Behind the Masterpiece
$ 8.00 - The Silmarillion
$ 7.00 - Bookmarks
$ 74.00 - The Histories of Middle Earth
$ 28.00 - Extended DVD of TTT
$ 36.00 - Trilogy Tuesday (FotR, TTT & RotK Back-to-back)
$ 78.00 - Thirteen theatrical viewings of Return of the King
$ 35.00 - Life-size hobbit standups
$ 32.00 - LotR Trivial Pursuit
$ 29.00 - LotR Monopoly
$ 5.00 - Bobble-head Frodo
$ 15.00 - My new 2004 copy of LotR
$ 6.00 - Two packs of LotR valentines
------
$686.50 - Grand Total
Sorry. I just don't have that kind of cash.
Mental Health Unit-Inspired Haikus - 2004-02-10 10:02 p.m.
You say you love ducks
and that you ride a green cloud.
Want some Risperdal?
Microcephalis -
rare defect, small skull and brain.
But still a nice guy.
Please do not wiggle
while I give this injection.
The Haldol feels good.
Do you have low self-esteem? If so, I recommend you drive to the mental health unit of your nearest hospital. Not as a patient, just to visit. The patients tell you that you're "so pretty! Pretty pretty girl! I think I love you a lot." Nothing makes a girl feel as a good as a compliment from a disorganized schizophrenic.
Worst Joke Ever. Seriously. - 2004-02-10 9:57 p.m.
Q: How many Brandybucks does it take to cross the Brandywine River?
A: Who cares? There's a bridge!